mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
