Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
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we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
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I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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