True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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