If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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