So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
