Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
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The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
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Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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