He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
