He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
