I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
