remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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