On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
