Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
