I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
