smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
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And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
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Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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