I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
