just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
