***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
