he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
