i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize