so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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