....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize