sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
