His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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