I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
