At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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