sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize