either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
