i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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