I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
