Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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