The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
