I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
