we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
