spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
