He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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