Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
