I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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