All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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