I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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