I just cut my nipple shaving
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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