I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
