its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
