Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
