Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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