What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
