i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
