the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
