What a fucking waste of an outfit
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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