Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
