She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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