Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
