Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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