No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
