I'm gonna have a badass scar
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
