i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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