How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
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I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
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So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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