how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
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The chlamydia really affected his face.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
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The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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