Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
