Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I currently don't understand fingers.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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