I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
