Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
