Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
