I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
