So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
