All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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