Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
