you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Drunk is not a location!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
