just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
