and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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