I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Let's paint friendship bongs
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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