i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm at about main and main street
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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