Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
