My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
