Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
