I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
