Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
