oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
