I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
